How to fall in love with your natural hair

We commonly concentrate on finding that perfect product and perfecting our style technique. But we spend little time on dealing with our mindset concerning our natural tresses. This is one of the biggest mistakes some women make when returning back to their natural hair. For most it is discovering their natural curls for the first time. I divide the hair journey into 3 parts. It is 25% the products you use, 25% the techniques you use and 50% your mindset towards your hair. One can see how not addressing such a huge part of your journey can be hindering. 

Not being honest about how your truly feel about your hair many times leads to setbacks. Either the person returns back to the relaxer, continuously rocks fake hair or they experience breakage from bad hair care practices. 

Below are some very common negative mindsets black women have towards their hair. Along side each negative mindset I offer some solutions for you. I want you to have the hair you desire, minus the setbacks. Therefore I offer help via some solutions I have seen help ladies tremendously. 

My 4C curl pattern. Smoothed back into a bun by using curls control passion fruit paste by Curls

NEGATIVE MINDSET #1
"After going natural for a year, I hate my curl pattern"

SOLUTIONS:

• Be sure you are seeing your true curl pattern.  Until your hair is hydrated, consistently you will not see your real curl pattern. Work on your hydration. 
• Do a moisture fusion treatment (Nine day moisture therapy)
• Be sure you are following a consistent healthy regimen.
• If you are continuously rocking fake hair, that will mess up your hydration. Thus lay off the fake hair until your hair is healthier hydration wise. Take a 7 months break from fake hair. 

NEGATIVE MINDSET #2
"I do not like how I look with short hair and my hair appears to grow slow."

SOLUTIONS:

• Examine your cleansing regimen. How often are you cleansing your hair?
• Are you following a consistent healthy hair care regimen with natural products?
• Have you measured how much your hair grows each month?
• Is your shrinkage blinding you to how much your hair is actually growing? For some motivation set your hair on magnetic rollers, for a nice stretch. 
• Are you breaking your hair off by doing bad hair care practices?
• Sometimes you need extra help. Sign up for hair growth coaching and start growing the hair you desire.

NEGATIVE MINDSET #3
"I cannot get past the amount of shrinkage I have. "

SOLUTIONS:

• Want less shrinkage use less product.
• After day two of your style, stop applying any type of water or water based product on your hair.
• Use bands to stretch your hair
• Stretch your hair using magnetic rollers, before you create your styles. 
• Allow your hair to air dry, 70% while in big twists. Then set your twist out, on 70% air dried hair. You will have more elongated styles.  

NEGATIVE MINDSET #4
"I love my hair but it takes so long to achieve styles I love."

SOLUTIONS:

• Perhaps it takes you a long time due to tangles. If this is the issue then work on your hydration to reduce your tangles. Do lots of pre poo treatments to combat excessive tangles. 
• Re-evaluate the styles your are trying to achieve. 
• Work consistently perfecting one style. Afro hair is like memory foam, the more you mold it into the same shape, the easier it molds. 
• Examine areas of your style regimen in which you are making them more lengthy than they need to be. 

NEGATIVE MINDSET #5
After I spend hours creating a style, it frizzes up so quickly. So I rather wear fake hair, it is easier. 

SOLUTIONS:

• Pay attention to the weather. Do not try to compete with mother nature, most likely you will lose.
• On  high humidity days or misty days, wear your hair in a puff, bun, ponytail or roll tuck and pin. 
• Invest in some anti humectants. Anti humectants contain ingredients which help the hair to hold its style longer by blocking out the humidity.  Pomades do this very well. 
• Get use to how your frizzy shrunken hair looks.  Fall in love with the truly natural you. 

TRANSFORM YOUR MINDSET TAKE THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE.

CHALLENGE A:   Rock your hair in it's shrunken undefined state for a whole day. Be sure to leave the house. This experience is liberating for those who do not normally wear their hair in its Afro state. 

CHALLENGE B: Rock your natural texture for 30 days. Make journal entries as to how you feel about your hair experience. It will transform how you see your hair. Concentrate on how you feel not what you think other people are thinking. 

Purchasing bentonite clay for your hair

Clay washes for the hair are steadily growing in popularity. The reasons they are so popular with coily naturals is their ability to deep cleanse the hair without tangling it. Clay washes do an excellent job of making your natural curl pattern pop.  Most deep cleansers are stripping and leave the hair full of tangles. That is not the case with bentonite clay.  

There are many clay washes on the market. But they are expensive.  However a clay wash is very simple to create on your own. There are several different types of clays, you can purchase. This article will focus on choosing a Bentonite clay for your DIY. Bentonite clay is the most popular clay used on the hair. 

GREAT DEAL ON BENTONITE CLAY

Bentonite clay comes as: sodium bentonite or calcium bentonite clay. You will notice the sodium bentonite is cheaper than the calcium bentonite. When creating a wash for your hair, always choose calcium bentonite. Why? Because the sodium is more absorbent and therefore likely to strip the hair. The sodium  bentonite is more detoxing than the calcium bentonite.

Bentonite clay contains both sodium and calcium. However the ones labeled sodium bentonite, have a higher content of sodium. This means the PH will be higher and it cleanses deeper. So the rule is to choose calcium. If you already have the sodium bentonite, use it on your face. 

Calcium bentonite contains more silica. 
Bentonite clay pulls toxins from your hair and then it deposits. Sodium Bentonite will deposit more sodium and the calcium bentonite will deposit calcium and silica. 

For the hair choose Calcium Bentonite 
For the skin choose Sodium Bentonite 

ACTUAL PRODUCT MIXED

IMPORTANT:

Never prepare or store your bentonite clay in any type of metal. Once the clay touches metal, all the benefits of the clay are destroyed. Use glass, ceramic or wood. 

CQ Detox 7

• 1/2 cup of bentonite clay
• 1/4 cup of red clay
• 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 1/4 cup of aloe vera juice
• 1/2 cup of spring water (warm)

Deep cleansing instructions

• Allow warm water to run over hair for 1 minute
• Generously apply the Detox 7
• Cover with plastic cap
• Wrap in a towel or scarf
• Leave on for 1 hour
• Rinse off completely with warm water
• Once all clay detox is out, if your hair feels conditioned, proceed with your leave in conditioner. 
• If your hair does not feel feel conditioned enough then apply a deep conditioner

ACTUAL PRODUCT MIXED 

GOT MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT CLEANSING WITH CLAY? GO HERE

CQ Clay Cleansing conditioning 

• 1/2 warm spring water (warm it up not using anything metal)
• 1/2 Moroccan red clay
• 2 tablespoons bentonite clay
• 1 tbsp ACV
• 1/4 cup MAYO (KRAFT REAL MAYO)

Instructions:

• Generously apply to wet hair
• Cover with plastic cap and scarf
• Let it sit on hair 1 to 3 hours.
• Rinse out well
• Apply your leave conditioner, etc. 

5 leave ins under $10

For my Coily Queens on a budget. Here are 5 decent leave ins under ten dollars. These products are great for those with normal hair. If your hair is chronically dry, see my list of leave in conditioners for extra dry hair. 

This one is getting RAVE reviews. ORDER HERE!

True Nourishing leave in $9.99
If you love mango butter you will love this leave in.  

• Lotion consistency
• Full of mango, aloe Vera, glycerin.
• Awesome detangler
• Shea butter FREE (none listed in ingredients)
• Strengthens as it moisturizes, from hydrolyzed keratin.
• Not tested on animals.
• Filled with sage to promote hair growth
• Scalp soothing from chamomile extracts.  

ORDER HERE

Elasta QP Olive oil and mango leave in $8.99
This is a personal fave. This product functions as a leave in and a styler. It creates great twist outs. It is thick creamy and rich. (okay for normal hair)

• Mango butter no shea.
• Good definition
• Smooths frizz
• Olive oil (growth)
• Good for breakage

ORDER HERE

Cantu leave in Shea Butter leave in repair cream $5.97
This leave in works similar to the shea moisture curl smoothie. It functions as a leave in and styler. Good styler for normal hair. 

• Strengthens strands
• Good definition
• Long lasting
• Does not mix well with most gels
• A little goes a long way

ORS olive oil moisturizing lotion $6.74
Gets good reviews. For normal hair.

• Delivers moisture to your hair
• Protection against breakage
• Provides shine
• A little goes a long way
• Long lasting

Curly Curl Cream

Taliah Waajid Shea Curly curl cream $7.99 
This is a personal favorite! It gives your hair moisture and hold. It creates awesome twist outs.

• Great styler
• Combats frizz
• Elongation of curls
• Rich and creamy, lasts a long time
• A little goes a long way

Botanical gels a healthier alternative for your wash and goes

Gels are used for defining curls, holding them in place or smoothing down the hair. Commonly used for the wash and go, buns, updos and sometimes a twist out.  You will use gel anytime you want more hold. 

What you apply to the hair strands, will eventually seep into the hair follicles.  Any product which sits on the hair, should be filled with good ingredients. When a gel is filled with a lot of alcohols, proteins, dyes and harsh ingredients. They cause your hair strands to dry out quick, and break. They clog your hair follicles and retard your hair growth. They also lead to major scalp irritations. 

There are many gels which work awesome on coily hair. But the popular ones are filled with lots of bad dyes and ingredients. 

A botanical gel is not harsh like regular gels. They are filled with plant extracts which give the hair hold, without making it crunchy and drying it out. Always expect to pay more for a botanical gel. Consider it the same as buying fresh vegetables versus fast food. 

The most popular gel used by naturals is the eco styler gel. It is cheap and it works for most. However compare the ingredients on your jar of eco styler gel to the ingredients I have listed below for a few botanical gels. 

BIG DIFFERENCE HUH? 
I KNOW?
THE PROOF IS ON THE JAR.

Here are my top pics for botanical gels and custards. 

Kinky Curly Curling Custard (KCCC)
Ingredients:  Water, horsetail, chamomile, nettle and marshmellow, organic aloe vera juice, agave nectar extract, pectin, citric acid, vitamin E, potassium sorbate, natural fragrance.

• Firm, hold no crunch
• Hold lasts up to 3 days.
• Mixes well with most products
• No flaking
• Not sticky, if you do not overuse
• A little goes a long way.
• Lasts a long time. 

Curly Magic curl stimulator
Ingredients:  Aloe Vera, marshmellow root, chamomile, nettle  and horsetail extract, agave nectar extract, Vitamin E, citric acid, Potassium Sorbate, natural fragrance. 

• Aloe Vera based 
• Long lasting definition 
• Firm hold

Order here!

Mielle Organics Honey and Ginger styling gel
Ingredients:  Water, Glycerin, honey, aloe Vera, acrylates polymer, coconut oil, babassu oil, shea butter, maltodextrin/VP polymer, marshmellow extract, Pectin, parfum, Carbomer, Xanthan gum, Dehydroacetic acid, Benzyl alcohol

• Great definition
• Frizz reduction
• 70% organic ingredients

Obia Curl enhancing custard
Ingredients:  Water, Olive oil, grape seed oil, Carbomer, Hydrolyzed wheat protein, egetable glycerin, Gluconolacton and Sodium Benzoate, Xantham gum, Fragrance. 

• PH balanced
• non alchohol
• nourishing oils
• Non drying
• Does not leave hair crunchy. 

Compare the above ingredients with that of cheaper gels such as eco styler gel.

New Moon Phase trimming for increase hair growth (July)

In order to maintain healthy hair you should have a regular trim schedule. On the Coily Queens Regimen you are encouraged to trim every 4th month. Only trim what is needed. If you follow the CQR, you will not have to trim more than .25 of an inch each time. So you will only trim one inch per year. Trimming like this will help you retain more length and reach longer lengths faster.

Following the CQR principles will take you to waist length and beyond if you desire!

Keep a natural hair journal and log your trims.   When it is time for your trim, schedule them on high energy days. Every month you are provided the best New Moon phase days to trim, in order to maximize hair growth. So while you might trim  1/4 inch, you will regrow double or triple that. When you trim on the right days. 

The best high energy days for July are:

2, 3, 4

7, 8

29, 30, 31

New Moon Phase trimming is an ancient concept. Man was created with the ability to read the earth. Farmers plant according to the phases of the moon. For more articles on New Moon Phase trimming please search this site. There are dozens of articles here. 

Do not do this

Your natural hair journey may be filled with a few errors, but these should not be one of them. 

UNNECESSARY MISTAKES LOTS OF NATURALS MAKE

1.  Purchasing a product, then asking the purpose of the product.  You want to know the benefits of any product before you invest in it. Without knowing the benefits how do you know if it is necessary for your hair regimen?  Lots of naturals purchase apple cider vinegar, without knowing its benefits. 

2. Not following the directions on the products you buy. A product comes with instructions so that you get the complete benefits from the product. Following the product instructions ensures you reap the full benefits.  At least once a week I will see someone ask how to use the aphogee 2 step treatment, they have recently purchased. The treatment comes with instructions. Always best to follow the manufacturers instructions first. 

3. Rotating back and forth between your real hair and fake hair. Doing this early in your natural hair journey will only keep your hair dehydrated. Spend your first year as a natural getting to know your hair. Consistently working a healthy hair care regimen. Get your hair to a healthy hydrated state, then you can do hair extensions. 

Braid Retain and Grow method

When your hair is healthy enough for extensions, be sure to follow a regimen for extensions, such as Braid, Retain and Grow by Vee. Following this regimen will help your grow more hair and eliminate breakage from your extensions. 

Stop the majority of your breakage

Most hair breakage is caused by the hair tools we use for grooming. Here I offer some healthy alternatives for some very popular hair tools we use as black women. 

Hair tool #1: Combs
Most women use a comb, to style and remove tangles.  If you use combs to groom your hair, stop using them for 30 days. You will notice that you retain a lot more length by using a comb on your tresses. 

Instead of relying on a comb to remove your tangles, use your fingers.  Fingers and thumbs can do an amazing job of removing tangles from any type of Afro curly hair. No curl type is to difficult that it cannot be  finger detangled. 

How to finger detangle
Take small sections
Do not expect it to work as quickly as using a comb.
Use water or a detangling product
Untangle to remove knots do not expect your Afro hair to be totally free of tangles.

How to make parts without using a comb
Untangle hair with your fingers. Use your fingers to create your first part.  Go back and clean your part up using a knitting needle or the pointy part of a good quality rattail comb.  Avoid those cheap rattail combs which are rough, those will break your hair worst than a comb. You want a good quality rattail comb that is smooth. 

Hair tool #2: Brushes and tangle teasers
I am sure you have watched dozens of youtube videos of women raking brushes or tangle teasers through their coily hair. And it looks so good. However using a brush on your coils is so unnecessary and unhealthy. The brush rakes across your hair cuticle and roughs it up. Each time you rake the brush through your hair you are weakening your hair cuticle little by little. The damage is slow which is why most do not notice or relate the damage to the brush. 

If you are not reaching your hair length goals eliminate hair brushes completely from your hair regimen. Your hair will be healthier for it. Change your mindset about your coily hair. When you do a bun do not think your hair has to look sleek like Caucasian hair in order for it to look polished. Accept your hair however it lays, as long as it is neat. 

Hair has been smoothed back by using a little gel and my palms. Once in place hair is tied down with a scarf for 30 minutes or overnight. Afro hair will dry into any shape you mold it into. No brush needed. 

Neat does not mean sleek. 

Smoothing your hair without a brush
Apply your product on wet hair. 
Spend time using your palms and product to smooth the hair back. 
Tie hair down immediately using a satin scarf. 
Your hair will dry neat and flat. 
If you must, you can use a toothbrush on your edges. 

Hair tool #3: Blow dryer
A blow dryer is one of the worst types of heat you can use on any type of hair. No matter the curl type. Blow drying leaves the hair hard because all moisture is removed. Blow drying is not conducive to Afro coily hair. Never blow dry your hair if you want to retain length and hydration. 

ORDER MAGNETIC ROLLERS HERE

Two easy ways to stretch the hair without a blow dryer

Option A: 
Set your hair using magnetic rollers on very wet hair. 

Allow hair to air dry, the next day your hair will be stretched but moisturized and soft. 

Option B:  
Allow  hair to air dry by 70%, then create your two strand twists.  You will have more stretch to your twist out, setting it this way. 


Hair tool #4: Flat irons
Each time you flat iron the hair you stand a big chance of receiving heat damage. Any type of heat straightening changes the hair structure slightly. Even if your hair reverts. Your hair is still not the same. There is no good  substitute for flat ironing the hair. Nothing healthy will give you the look of flat ironed hair. 

Ways to reduce your chances of heat damage from flat ironing of heat straightening

• When you get ready to flat iron, do not also blow dry the hair.
• Let your hair air dry, so you have less damage.
• You can also stretch your hair by doing a roller set before you flat iron.
• Doing so will help you apply less heat passes to get your hair straight 
• Always deep condition your hair well before you flat iron.
• If you are having dry hair issues never heat straighten your hair. You will damage it. 
• Use a silicone base heat protectant 

Applying these tips to your hair care regimen will enable you to retain a lot more length. You will also have healthier hydrated hair. 

5 ways to add Aloe Vera to your hair care regimen

SCALP SOOTHER PH BALANCER

Got a dry itchy, tight or irritated scalp? Aloe Vera is very healing and will help to restore the PH balance of your scalp and hair. Aloe vera will soothe and heal scalp irritations.  Anti bacterial, anti fungal & anti inflammatory. Tea tree heals minor scalp irritations and keeps infection from forming. 

1/2 cup ALOE VERA GEL
1/4 cup SPRING WATER
 1tsp TEA TREE OIL

GROWTH SERUM

Massage this serum onto your scalp every other night. It kills bad bacteria and fungus. Cleans our your hair follicles. Removing these issues will allow the hair to grow at optimum speed. 
1/2 cup of aloe vera  
1 tablespoon Jojoba  
1 tbsp sesame seed oil
1/8 tsp tea tree oil

ALOE VERA SPRITZER

RESET AND REFRESH YOUR HAIR,  mid week with this spritzer.  Mix 1/2 cup of aloe Vera gel with 1/2 cup of spring water. Use this aloe spritz to reset your style at night. Use it alone for light moisturizing or over your moisturizer to lock in moisture. You will notice how vibrant and defined your style is. 

DYNAMIC DETANGLER

Spray hair lightly with warm water. Smooth a handful of aloe Vera gel onto your hair strands. Use your fingers to gently remove tangles. You will notice that your tangles melt to the touch. Your tangles are easy to separate. For even better detangling, cover hair with a plastic cap and scarf and let it stay on overnight.  

CUTICLE Strengthener SMOOTHER

Smooth  through out your hair strands after washing and conditioning. Follow with a leave in conditioner if needed.  
1/4 cup of aloe vera
2 tablespoons jojoba oil
1 tablespoon cold pressed avocado oil

Clarifying your hair

Clarifying the hair involves using a stronger than normal cleanser to remove product build up from your hair.

Order here!

5 REASONS TO CLARIFY:

1.  If you do not wash your hair on a weekly basis

2.  If you use gels on a regular basis

3.  If you use petroleum or silicones, on a regular basis

4.  Clarifying before your protein treatments helps to ensure that the protein adheres to your strands better. 

5.  If your hair was styling good then it begins to not style as well, doing a deep cleansing could help to revive your hair. 

PLEASE NOTE!

Deep cleansers and clarifyers have a higher PH than your regular shampoos. 

Clarifyers cleanse the hair deeply. This includes stripping the hair of its natural oils.

For this reason extra care should be taken to deep condition well after using a clarifying deep cleanser.

Here are my tops pick for clarifying deep cleansers. 

Shea Moisture black soap shampoo

Jane Carters Hydrating Invigorating shampoo

As I am clarifying conditioner

ORDER HERE

Natural choices:

Moroccan red clay *(PH 8)

Bentonite clay *(PH 8-9)

Black soap *(PH 9)

Castile soap *(PH 11)

*the PH is an estimate it depends on how your natural product is created

3 ways to use Coconut oil for Hair Growth and Retention

To eliminate BREAKAGE, hydral fatigue or protein loss during shampooing
1.  A pre poo treatment 
Mix equal parts coconut oil with grape seed oil
Moisten hair and saturate hair with the oil mixture.
Cover with a plastic cap
Tie down with a scarf
Let it sit on your hair for at least 16 hours prior to shampoo time.

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For TANGLES, knots and shine!
2. Hot oil treatment 
Take 1/4 cup of coconut oil and warm it up by placing it in a bowl of hot water for 5 minutes. 
Wash and deep condition your hair. 
Rinse deep conditioner from hair
Smooth the hot oil through out your hair strands. 
Lubricate each strand well.
Rinse hair with cool water
Apply your leave in conditioner and other stylers
Then apply 1 more tablespoon of room temperature coconut oil

To INCREASE hair growth
3. Stimulating scalp treatment
Mix 1 tablespoon of unrefined coconut oil with 3 to 5 drops of pure peppermint oil.
Apply to scalp with your finger tips. Massage onto scalp for ten minutes. 
For stunted hair growth do this daily
To maintain hair growth do this 2 times a week